I’m not totally over the crankiness and impatience described in my last post. I am still sick of limping, sick of leg lifts, sick of going to a snowy mountain and being unable to ski on it, and sick of my homemade ice packs exploding on me, creating weird pools of stank on the couch (why does our couch smell when you add water?). I’m sick of not pivoting, and I’m sick of seeing my brand-new skis sitting all sad and unused in my storage room.
But I’ve remembered that humor can stand in for optimism when optimism is hard to come by. It is in that spirit that I offer the following snowboarder jokes. Some were provided by a skier-friend who tried snowboarding recently (without slamming into a skier and tearing that skier’s ACL). Others, I dug up after finding her jokes so funny, my knee (ACL tear courtesy of a snowboarder) literally seemed to hurt less.
A car has five snowboarders in the backseat. What do you call the driver?
How does a snowboarder introduce himself?
“Ohhhh, sorry dude!”
What do you call a snowboarder with no girlfriend?
How do you get a snowboarder off your porch?
Pay for the pizza.
How many snowboarders does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: one to hold it, one to video tape it and the other to say, “AWESOME, DUDE!”
OR 50: One to hold the bulb and 49 to smoke enough dope to make the room spin.
This guy walks into a bar and says “Hey, you guys wanna hear a snowboarder joke?” The bartender says, “I’m a snowboarder. The guy on your right is a snowboarder. Same with the guy on your left, and the guy behind you.” So the guy says, “OK. I’ll tell it a little more slowly then…
A guy finds out he needs a brain transplant. The doctor proceeds to show him various brains. One brain, which belonged to a skier, cost $500. The other, which belonged to a boarder, cost $5,000. Perplexed, he asked about the price difference.
The doctor replied “Well, the boarder’s brain has never been used!”
And just to be fair, I found a few funny skier jokes, too.
How many ski patrollers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one: they simply hold it up and let the world revolve around them.
What is the difference between a God and a ski patroller?
God does not think she is a ski patroller.
How can you tell who the ski patroller is in a room full of people?
You don’t have to, they will tell you.
How do you become a millionaire as a ski instructor?
Start out a billionaire.
How many ski instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to screw the bulb in, the other to stand there saying, “Nice turn, Nice turn.”
What’s the difference between a government bond and a ski bum?
A government bond will eventually mature and make money.